Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NINTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM NOVEMBER 2006 TO JUNE 2007.

Too bad Kevin Nash is under contract with TNA. If it wasn't for that, WWE could do DX vs. the NWO! Shawn and HHH vs. Hall and Nash! And Hall and Nash could have Eric Bischoff as their manager! It's never been done before! Vince could sic the NWO on DX! And the end of the match would have some kind of non-finish where the NWO turns and all four guys plus Bischoff celebrate in the ring! (MSG revisited!) Then Vince'll come out all pissed off and make a match, 5 on 5, with DX, the NWO, and Bischoff, vs. the Spirit Squad. Hey, it fits! Then Bischoff could drop out, saying he's not a wrestler, and replace himself with Sean Waltman, who of course was in BOTH the NWO and DX! Now, there's a match!

On the April 1 edition of TNA, I like it when James Mitchell says, "Christian, wherever you're hiding this week....." He was hiding here in Winnipeg at the World Of Wheels car show! I wonder if James Mitchell knew that. Maybe he and Abyss could have terrorized him here, too, after beating him up at his home. They sure would have had a lot of cars to choose from, to smash him onto. Hey, maybe Mitchell could have gotten Honky Tonk Man to join in! I should have gone. I should have asked Christian, "Aren't you feeling nervous signing autographs here when James Mitchell was terrorizing your wife at your home last week? Where's she today? Could he be doing it again?" What would Christian have said, knowing that that night on TNA Impact Mitchell would play the tape of him and Abyss beating him up in his own home? I could have shown Christian the Chris Jericho clipping, too, showing him how Jericho was running to be the next Manitoba Conservative leader, before the Winnipeg Sun revealed that to be a hoax the next day. I never thought about Christian when I saw that. For the record, I was fooled for about 30 seconds until I got back into my car after buying the Sun. "Wait a sec!" I thought, after realizing what day it was. I was wondering if it was that or the Craig Ferguson story (him maybe doing the Late Late Show here in Winnipeg for a week) that was a hoax. The third front-page story about Winnipeg gas stations charging for air I thought was probably true, as I paid 50 cents for air in Grand Forks, ND last fall. Hey, who needs Wrestlemania weekend when we've got our own stuff going on here in Winnipeg, the city the whole world revolves around?

I read in the gossip mags Stacy Keibler is now acting as a matchmaker for Nick Lachey, who obviously she met through his brother Drew on Dancing With The Stars. Maybe she'll hook him up with a WWE Diva. Well, not Mickie James, of course, she doesn't swing that way. Nick needs to ask himself if Mickie James will interfere in this in any way! He doesn't want whoever Stacy fixes him up with fooling around with Mickie James! (Hey, see the Pussycat Dolls comment above!)

Every time I hear the commentators say "Angle slam" during a Kurt Angle match, it makes me want to eat a breakfast dish called an Angle Slam at Perkins.

Shelton Benjamin's mama should seek out Simon Dean and try out his patented Simon system, don't you think?

So all I have left now is just some jokes on if Chris Jericho did become premier of Manitoba: 1) Instead of a press conference, he could have the Highlight Reel. 2) He could get new generations interested in politics - he could "bring the walls down!" 3) He could have been the Ayatollah of Manitoba!

Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE SEVENTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM DECEMBER 2005 TO MAY 2006.

This section continues to feature old comments, as I had numerous funny ones that I didn't have room for in previous Beau Zones, plus I have little in the way of new comments, and/or no time to write any new thoughts on wrestling I may have.

Remember when Molly Holly tried wrestling with a wig on? Now she knows why Golddust took off his wig before he started wrestling his match.

So Mordecai comes out on Smackdown and calls all Toronto women harlots, including mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends, etc. Then Chavo Classic is surrounded by older Toronto hot babes. Hey, looks like Mordecai was right! (Yeah, I know Classic paid those women off, but that's what my comment was when watching before Classic paid the women off.)

JBL should cut a promo saying "Let me get this straight, CNBC cuts me because I'm too controversial, but they hire John McEnroe to do a talk show?"

Ever wonder if previous Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff's sister watches Raw? And what she thought of what her brother has done to poor Eugene? Wonder if she responded. She sure never showed up at Raw with backup to counter Bischoff!

How about where Maria interviews Shawn Michaels about his match with "The Edge." Maybe she thought he was wrestling The Edge from the band U2. Maybe at the next PPV they can have that match. They could even have Bono vs. Paul Martin as the main event on that card, since Bono is pissed off with Paul Martin right now. Hey, and in Paul Martin's corner, now he could have Belinda Stronach!

How about Raw on August 29, with Alter Bridge cheering on Edge: Aren't they a psuedo-Christian band? In a heel's corner? Or was that just when those guys were with Scott Stapp as Creed? Hey, maybe Scott Stapp should have been in Matt Hardy's corner!

Kathy Hilton/Jay Leno/Eric Bischoff Stuff

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE SIXTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM AUGUST TO DECEMBER 2005.

Forgive me for this not being in the "Pro Wrestling" section in case you don't get this..... A recent edition of The National Enquirer reported that Kathy Hilton and her daughter Paris Hilton almost had a fight causing Paris not to appear on The Tonight Show with her mother recently. They made up, however, when Jay Leno reportedly wouldn't have Kathy Hilton on by herself. Well, of course not! Kathy Hilton's appearance was to plug her new show, I Want To Be A Hilton (which rocks, by the way - and Jules is hot). That's the show WWE Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff revealed to Joe Aiello in his famous No Holds Barred interview on CITI FM here in Winnipeg last year that he and his partner Jason Hervey had sold to NBC. THE SAME ERIC BISCHOFF that, with Hulk Hogan, as the NWO a few years ago, tried to take over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno! Remember that? Jay had to go get Diamond Dallas Page and two cops to take Hogan and Bischoff out! Of course Jay isn't going to play ball with Eric! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE FOURTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM DECEMBER 2004 TO APRIL 2005.

I heard that the Kane vs. Gene Snitsky match at our next WWE card in January 2005, the first one at the MTS Centre, will be a pinfalls count anywhere in the building match. I guess the referee will have to stop them from wrestling into the skywalks, into either Portage Place or Cityplace, 'cause once they go into those skywalks, they're not in the building anymore. If they did wrestle through the skywalks into Portage Place and the food court, I guess it would look like just another day at Portage Place. Maybe the Indian Posse and the Manitoba Warriors can join in the fun.

Let's go back to July when Raw and Smackdown were both held at Winnipeg Arena for two days in a row. My thoughts at the time were: Maybe Chris Jericho can wrestle someone into Polo Park while it's still open before 9:30 p.m. at the July 5 Raw at the arena. Remember that WCW PPV where he and his opponent (forgot who) wrestled across the street and into an office building? Gee, not many office buildings are open Sunday nights, either. Better yet, If Chris wrestles someone into Polo Park, WWE shouldn't tell anyone at Polo Park, they should just go ahead and do it. It'll be a battle royal of Polo Park security guards vs. Winnipeg Arena security guards! Geez, the arena guards will actually get cheered for the first time in their lives! And all live on Spike TV and TSN!!! Here's also what should have happened: Remember how Chris did a Fozzy gig at Cowboys after Raw was over? How about if Christian and Trish Stratus sneak attack Chris onstage at the Fozzy gig and WWE cameras capture it? Travis Tomko will still be backstage as Tony Condello will be asking him if he's related to Al Tomko. Then Christian and Trish can lay out the rest of the band and security guards as they try to make the save and sing their own songs on stage for a while. The smart marks in the crowd would be furiously typing e-mails to Dave Meltzer on their cell phones. It would have been tremendous.

Remember when Eric Bischoff told William Regal on Raw if he doesn't look after Eugene he'll "never work in this business again?" Not just WWE, but the entire business. Joe Aiello said he was scheduled to tape an interview with Bischoff the following Wednesday - the famous NHB interview Bischoff did. Hey, Joe should have told Bischoff if it happens that Regal is dismissed from WWE that he & Cyrus have every intention of booking him for a NHB show whether Bischoff likes it or not and see what he says.

Regarding Big Show throwing Kurt Angle off that platform: Someone should tell Big Show that just because Hulk Hogan can throw him off the roof of Cobo Hall and he can survive doesn't mean Kurt Angle can survive anything similiar, too.

Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE FIRST EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM APRIL TO JUNE 2004.

If Hulk Hogan didn't walk away from WWE, I'd say Vince should have proved Hogan and Mr. America were the same person by signing a match between the two at the next PPV. Of couse, that would be too easy, and how does WWE get out of that one? I'll tell you how - by putting Dave "The Equalizer" Sullivan in the Mr. America costume. Hogan unmasks him, and they celebrate in the ring together to Dave's WCW "I want to be a Hulkamaniac" music. WWE could also have Vince call Hogan on his cell phone while Mr. America is in the ring in a match, but there's too many things wrong with that scenerio, both in reality and in storyline, that you can just guess.

If I were a WWE superstar and I were asked to intro a "From The Vault" match on WWE Confidential, I'd pick a WCW match that originally aired opposite a Wrestlemania on a Clash Of the Champions, and I'd identify it as such, especially if it got higher viewership than the Wrestlemania (I have a feeling that happened, which is why I say that). How well do you think that would go over with the office? Too bad Confidential isn't live.

Remember the 2003 Backlash PPV? A big reason Goldberg got no heat at Backlash is because WWE changed his music that night. I still believe to this day WWE should never have changed his music at all. Sometimes changing music works, and other times it's so disastrous they just have to go back to the old music, as in the cases of Steve Austin and Kurt Angle. There is really no good time to change a wrestler's music, unless you tell the fans you're doing it first. Fans feel helpless when they hear new music, because it smacks of the product not belonging to the fans, that it belongs to the office, and to management personnel backstage, where the fans cannot go because the security guards won't let them. Wrestling fans like to believe this is "their" product and "their" world. Actually, WWE could make a decent effort at telling fans now in the computer age. On their website, or in their e-mail newsletter, if they have one, they could say something like, "Watch for new Goldberg music in coming weeks....." Then fans would at least expect it. Don't know if that would still result in less heat or not.

So let me get this straight - Eric Bischoff says he can't wrestle Shane McMahon because Linda McMahon's rule that both he and Austin can't lay a hand on a WWE superstar unless physically provoked means Bischoff and Austin can't wrestle in an actual match as well. Austin asks Shane in the ring if he's a contracted WWE superstar. Shane says no. So the match is on. Then next week Bischoff is forced into a match against Kane. Huh? I thought Kane IS a contracted WWE superstar?!?! Huh? What?