Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE ELEVENTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM MARCH TO NOVEMBER 2008.

On Saturday Night's Main Event this past August 18, in the illegitimate child angle, Johnathan Coachman talks about Vince McMahon being at an afterparty in L.A. after Wrestlemania 2 in 1986 and brings out Melina as a possible daughter. Vince McMahon wasn't in L.A. for Wrestlemania 2. He was in New York commentating with Susan Saint James. That was the three-city Wrestlemania with the celebrity commentators. L.A. had Jesse Ventura and Elvira (with Lord Alfred Hayes added at the last minute) and Chicago had Gorilla Monsoon and Cathy Lee Crosby (with Gene Okerlund added at the last minute). McMahon and Saint James were at Nassau Colisseum and SNME was at New York's Madison Square Garden, so the crowd should have groaned at that, except that most of the crowd now is probably too young to remember 1986. Also, the live crowd doesn't hear the commentators, for those in the crowd that do remember because they were in the arena, and furthermore, as I recall, McMahon and Saint James were not in the arena at ringside but were doing their commentary from a table in the back for some reason.

When Vince McMahon's "demise" happened on Raw with the limo blowing up, I first thought....."The Voodoo Kin Mafia finally succeeded!" Good thing they never took credit for it on TNA TV, what with the Benoit thing happening right after that and Vince, not in character, forced to show his face on TV.

In TNA, next time Brother Ray tells a house show crowd that he'd rather masturbate with broken glass, Abyss should show up with the bag of broken glass and pour it in the ring and invite Ray to utilize it.

The wrestling media says WWE doesn't want to promote Marcus Cor Von as a former NFL linebacker because that's the way TNA promoted him. So it was funny in that battle royal he was in on Raw with all three commentating teams when JBL and Tazz were arguing about him and JBL brings up the point, "But he played in a Super Bowl, Tazz!" Leave it to JBL, who can say whatever the hell he wants out there. (Since that time, Cor Von has left WWE.)

If James Storm ever finds himself in the same ring as Steve Austin, his gimmick still works, because the heel drinks his beer out of a bottle. The face drinks his out of cans. Bottles are more dangerous than cans. Storm hits people over the head with his beer bottle. Maybe he'll hit Austin one day. So it makes sense. If anyone thinks this feud will never happen, well, maybe that's why TNA now has Stone Cold Shark Boy! (Even though he too, drinks, or "drinks," his drink of choice, which isn't beer but clam juice, out of bottles.)

WWE fired Cryme Time, and I wonder if this had something to do with it: Cryme Tyme get no reaction from the crowd because the fans can't understand why these guys are supposed to be faces with all the henious things they've done. Some of the stuff they've done in their skits is funny, but it really only works if they're heels. I think this is what you get when you take "cool heels" and make them babyfaces. Cyrus used to say on the former Joe & Cyrus wrestling radio show that he hates cool heels because the crowd makes them the babyface. I don't agree, because the actions of the heels are still henious. They just conduct themselves in such a fashion that gets the alternative members of society - which isn't the majority in a crowd of arena wrestling fans - to be fans of them, but ONLY because the goings-on in pro wrestling are just storyline. My friends and I used to cheer Jesse Ventura and Adrian Adonis in the AWA in the '70s. We knew their attitudes weren't real. But most wrestling fans aren't that sophisticated, they're more like sheep, so they'll continue to boo "cool heels." I just wonder if someone in WWE was doing this on purpose, to show that cool heels can't really be actual babyfaces.

Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE TENTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM JUNE 2007 TO MARCH 2008.

Remember when DX vandalized that Muscle & Fitness cover with Vince McMahon on the cover? When they were done, the pic of Vince looked just like Danny Bonaduce!

I wonder if, that time when doing play-by-play, King Booker had Vince in his headset telling him to tell stories instead of calling the holds in the match. (Only insiders will get this.)

In Torrie Wilson's recent FHM cover story interview, she says she'd like to have sex with someone under the ring. Hopefully she'll stick to Raw if she wants to do that. Hopefully she didn't try to do that at pay-per-views, 'cause does she realize there's probably that leprechaun, Hornswaggle, under the ring? Could you imagine that little bastard surprising Torrie and her companion under there? Not only that, JBL says he'd pay money to watch leprechauns copulate. I wonder if he means two leprechauns or just Hornswaggle with Torrie Wilson. The possibilities are endless.....

JBL's funniest line on Smackdown a few weeks ago, during a Miz match: "The Miz couldn't afford my escort service bills!"

Speaking of JBL, how come on Smackdown they can't promote Saturday Night's Main Event because it's on a competing network, yet JBL can talk about his Fox News appearances all the time?

Before WWE let Joey Mercury go, I was thinking: Why is MNM making Smackdown appearances? I thought Nitro and Melina were fired by Teddy Long. How is he allowing their return? Shows you why Krystal is right about him needing an assistant. Maybe they snuck on while he was watching Kane's "See No Evil" DVD. That was funny a few weeks ago: I think to myself, "Teddy Long's going to watch a DVD during Smackdown?" Then JBL said the same thing!

Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE SEVENTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM DECEMBER 2005 TO MAY 2006.

This section continues to feature old comments, as I had numerous funny ones that I didn't have room for in previous Beau Zones, plus I have little in the way of new comments, and/or no time to write any new thoughts on wrestling I may have.

Remember when Molly Holly tried wrestling with a wig on? Now she knows why Golddust took off his wig before he started wrestling his match.

So Mordecai comes out on Smackdown and calls all Toronto women harlots, including mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends, etc. Then Chavo Classic is surrounded by older Toronto hot babes. Hey, looks like Mordecai was right! (Yeah, I know Classic paid those women off, but that's what my comment was when watching before Classic paid the women off.)

JBL should cut a promo saying "Let me get this straight, CNBC cuts me because I'm too controversial, but they hire John McEnroe to do a talk show?"

Ever wonder if previous Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff's sister watches Raw? And what she thought of what her brother has done to poor Eugene? Wonder if she responded. She sure never showed up at Raw with backup to counter Bischoff!

How about where Maria interviews Shawn Michaels about his match with "The Edge." Maybe she thought he was wrestling The Edge from the band U2. Maybe at the next PPV they can have that match. They could even have Bono vs. Paul Martin as the main event on that card, since Bono is pissed off with Paul Martin right now. Hey, and in Paul Martin's corner, now he could have Belinda Stronach!

How about Raw on August 29, with Alter Bridge cheering on Edge: Aren't they a psuedo-Christian band? In a heel's corner? Or was that just when those guys were with Scott Stapp as Creed? Hey, maybe Scott Stapp should have been in Matt Hardy's corner!

Pro Wrestling Comments

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE FIFTH EDITION OF "THE BEAU ZONE" ON THE HARD ROCK HEROES WEBSITE FROM APRIL TO AUGUST 2005.

Remember the Breakaway Club at the Polo Park Inn, when the wrestlers would go there to hang out after the card? They're just in the room, among the fans. None of this Sunfest/CITI FM VIP area crap. (God, I HATED seeing that VIP room with a roof, places to sit and fridges right there in front at Sunfest, just flaunting it right in front of the PAYING fans who have to put up with the elements - I hope that stupid VIP area was why Sunfest died - a VIP area should be ten miles from the stage so that anyone in it needs binoculars to see the band - give the PAYING FANS the damn benches, fridges, and a roof over their head. If I was invited in the VIP area during the Hard Rock Heroes years, I would have checked it out, but probably not stayed there long, as I would have been embarrased to be in there.) So when Chris Jericho's band Fozzy came to town that first time at The Colesseum in December 2003 and Joe Aiello on CITI FM's No Holds Barred said WWE wrestlers might be at the gig because it took place after that night's WWE card, I truly, sincerly thought it would be a throwback to the Breakaway Club days with the wrestlers just in the bar among the people. I never dreamed in my wildest dreams they would be sequestered into a damn upstairs VIP area. I sure felt like a peon that night, little old me, JUST A PAYING FAN. So what would it take to bring back the days of the Breakaway Club? And just where DO the wrestlers go after the card now? Is it really like the article in the WWE Mag that said Kane reads Shakespeare novels after the card, etc., and no one goes to bars anymore? I wondered to myself if the wrestlers would be going to the Tijuana Yacht Club when that place first opened, but when I went there after the first applicable WWE card, no wrestlers showed up. So where are they? DO they just go out in public anymore like they used to at the Breakaway Club? Or are they just too big for that now? And I don't mean that sarcasticly - ARE WWE superstars more like Elvis and Britney now, that they would get really hounded in public, moreso than they ever did at the Breakaway Club? I e-mailed Cyrus at the time that Fozzy gig happened to tell him maybe this would make a good future subject for his Winnipeg Sun column, but alas, he never approached it, and now he doesn't do a column anymore.

Speaking of Cyrus, I had been drooling at the thought of upcoming stories in the Stanley Weston wrestling mags on Don Callis taking control of TNA (a cover story with Don on the cover, perhaps?), but alas, I guess that happened, along with Don suddenly quitting the company a bit later, in such a time period that allowed all of that to occur between issues. I had been hoping Don's taking control of TNA would be right before their deadline, hence all the cover stories. Since that wasn't the case, the info was just buried in their news tidbits with the addition that Don had left the company for "a full-time job in his hometown." Oh, well.

So if Lita's baby really was Kane's, but Matt Hardy had won that night's match on Raw, would the baby have been (or still have been) named Matt Hardy, Version 2?

I guess a couple of weeks after it happened, JBL got one of those photo radar tickets in the mail from Eddie Guerrero driving his limo. If that had happened here for our Smackdown taping, would he have gotten Bob Holliday to pay the ticket?